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Revé
reve119
17 July 2005 @ 11:25 pm
the beautiful people...  
As much as my summer sucks, and even though I hate college even more, there's one thing I can look forward to about going back to school in the fall...

...I'll have a steady job.

Being broke sucks. Although most of you probably think that "money can't buy happiness," I think you can all agree that it can take away quite a bit of misery, lol. I only have a few dollars left in my checking account...and lucky me gets to spend it on tampons and Motrin. Oy.

[My friend from California just called. I got cramps and now he calls, lol]



Ok, you may or may not know that I don't exactly have the healthiest body image.
(Scroll to the end of these two posts: One Two)

About a week and a half ago I ran out of my Xenadrine EFX pills. I didn't have $30 to buy more, so I started using laxatives instead. I'm only going to use them until I can afford Xenadrine again, but I realize how unhealthy this is so I'm going to try to stop taking them sooner. I started taking less last week, then I took too many yesterday, then I didn't take any today- partially because my stomach still hurts from yesterday.

Sometimes I don't understand why I obsess over my body so much. Seriously. The cynical part of my mind will think, What is wrong with you? People tell you you're beautiful, why don't you just relax. And even if people didn't tell me I was attractive, who am I trying to impress, you know...?

But those insecurities still eat away at me sometimes.
When I was younger, I thought I was so hideously ugly. Really really ugly. When I was depressed during junior high, I didn't look at my reflection...for 3 months (with the exception of my bathroom every morning- after I looked at myself my eyes would tear up).
I don't think so harshly of myself anymore.

Sometimes I tell people these things and they're like, "I don't get it- you're pretty, I mean really pretty...".


...I don't think people realize how much I really, really appreciate that.
 
 
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12 comments | Leave a comment
 
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]perduadastra on July 18th, 2005 07:10 am (UTC)
honestly, i avoid my reflection as often as possible.
i probably have a few dollars left in my account as well. i have spent money like crazy these past few months. honestly, i don't really want the stuff i buy, i just like receiving mail. heh.

please be careful with the diet pills. :-)
& i think you are very pretty.
Revé[info]reve119 on July 19th, 2005 11:22 pm (UTC)
Lol...well, it is nice to get mail.

And thanks Monica ♥
[info]starlette_18 on July 18th, 2005 07:55 am (UTC)
I can relate so much. I will look in the mirror often times and want to cry. In the past few years i've done everything from going on week long fasts to taking diet pills to throwing up in an attempt to be thin. Right now I have no confidence in myself because im so unhappy with how I look-ive been working out and dieting but the weight just isnt coming off fast enough for me.

Anyways...stick in there, your a beautiful girl and if you keep up the hard work then you will get the body you desire =)
Revé[info]reve119 on July 19th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC)
During that period I literally could not look at my reflection and not cry. It's the shame the pressure women put upon themselves.

And you stick in there, too :-)
sti_jeebus[info]sti_jeebus on July 18th, 2005 09:16 am (UTC)
does xenadrine work, even? don't waste your money on it if you don't have definite proof, 'cause i went through a whole bottle of them last summer and saw no effects.
try working out when your blood sugar is lower (like right before a meal), and eating a little bit of protein before each meal (even 5 almonds will change how your body processes the food so it doesn't store as much).
i go for the inexpensive plans...lol
Revé[info]reve119 on July 18th, 2005 05:18 pm (UTC)
It worked pretty well the first few times I used it. Recently I've been taking them to avoid gaining weight...although I've lost 4-5 pounds already this summer w/o doing anything other than taking pills/laxatives (i.e. almost no exercise).

Yeah, I used to exercise first time in the morning/before I ate anything so I could burn more calories from fat.
Rhiannon[info]rosie_rhi_bee on July 18th, 2005 10:04 am (UTC)
Although most of you probably think that "money can't buy happiness," I think you can all agree that it can take away quite a bit of misery, lol.

Agreed :)

And for what it's worth, I think you have looked beutiful in the few pics I have seen of you.
Revé[info]reve119 on July 19th, 2005 01:00 am (UTC)
Lol :-)

And thank you ♥
Christine[info]stellardreams81 on July 18th, 2005 12:45 pm (UTC)
Ok, here's my two cents:
1) You look great from what I've seen, so stop messing up your insides with those pills.
2) It sucks being poor. I am barely getting by living paycheck to paycheck until I start my other job. Damn bills. So I know how that is.
Revé[info]reve119 on July 19th, 2005 11:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you ♥
(and actually Xenadrine is fairly healthy as far as diet pills go, like very few side effects and such...but still, I'll try to take less of the pills and the laxatives)

Heh, I almost miss living paycheck to paycheck...at least I knew money was coming, lol
[info]dannyboi85 on July 19th, 2005 04:29 am (UTC)
Avon
Hey, isn't being beautiful what the avon stuff is for? Just Kidding. Hope everything is going ok. Talk to you soon. Can't wait to see you at our apartment again!
Revé[info]reve119 on July 19th, 2005 11:27 pm (UTC)
Re: Avon
Gee, thanks Dan, lol.

And when are you guys going back to the apartment?
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )